So you’re meeting people that aren’t emotionally available, still hung up on an ex, or just not ready to get into a loving and long-term relationship, how frustrating! This type of situation can be frustrating especially when you feel you’re doing everything you can to meet the right kind of people, only to come across the wrong type over and over again. It can also be disheartening when you see so much potential with someone only to be let down. Well, we’re here to give you some good news! Dating might be harder now than it was before, but it’s not impossible. With the right perspective, patience, and actions you can get the kind of relationship you want and deserve, and below we’ve listed ways you can go about achieving this.
Ask For It – One of the first steps to achieving the relationship you want is to ask for it, and decide that you won’t accept anything less. Know you are worth the kind of relationship you want, and display the kind of actions in yourself that you are looking for in a partner, essentially be the partner you want. If you can do this you’ll attract someone like you. So if you want to date someone who is intelligent, physically active, and emotionally available make sure you have cultivated these same traits within yourself, and see what happens. It’s amazing how small actions over time can amount to great things, and I promise if you start with these seemingly small steps you’ll start to see different people present themselves as dating options for you. Why does this happen? It happens because you are taking responsibility for your dating life and asking for what you want, by being the change you want to see.
Watch Actions Not Words – Evaluate what someone does not what they say. See if their actions and words line up, and watch this carefully. Everyone can make mistakes and no one is perfect, but watch the actions of someone over a long period of time. Anyone can pretend to be something for a while, but authenticity always shows through, and those that walk the walk and talk the talk are the real deal. The problem is we are humans and not robots, we think we know what we want only realize at a certain point that this isn’t what we want at all. That’s okay life is about experimenting and course correcting, but you don’t want to be someone’s guinea pig when clearly you both have two different agendas of what you want and need. So, if you are finding inconsistencies with how someone is acting vs. what they are saying it might be time to exit stage right, and ask for something more (refer to the Ask For It section listed above for more info on how to do this).
Don’t Be Afraid To Be Alone – Being alone is not a curse, and it can be a great time to really figure out what you want and deserve. Too many people make choices out of fear, and we sometimes are willing to settle for mediocre in our lives because it is presented to us. We don’t believe we are worthy of something better or someone better. Instead we would rather stay in our safe zone accepting what we have when deep down we know we want something more. Being single for a while and continuing to date can actually be very liberating as you start to define who you are for yourself, while allowing these new dating experiences to shape your next relationship. This is a good thing because if you can come from a place of love for yourself an authenticity you can’t help but make a relationship great! Know that anytime you are alone it is a good time to do some self-evaluation and reflection and to build yourself to be the person you want to be. So when you find yourself single look at it as an opportunity to re-evaluate the kind of person you are, the person you want to be, and the kind of relationship you’d like to have, don’t be afraid to ask for something great to come your way.
Forgive – Dating is a tough game, and everyone we date comes with their own baggage, and so do you. So if you find yourself dating someone and it doesn’t go well, instead of blaming them for how it ended, look at them like a teacher, what did this situation teach you? Find out how you can forgive them for anything you perceive and wrongdoing. Also remember to be kinder to yourself, we can be very hard on ourselves when things don’t work out, and we have to be kind and forgive ourselves as well. We have to remember everyone is going through their own pain and hurt. Relationships are highly emotional situations and whenever there is intense emotions at play there is the capacity to want to deeply hurt and wound others emotionally. Those that have been wounded in past relationships can sometimes carry that forward to future relationships without even realizing they are doing it. Instead of being angry with how someone unfairly treated you, work to find compassion and realize that every human on this planet either acts out of a place of hurt or love and actions can show this. Having this forgiveness mindset can allow us to go through the dating process and let go of experiences that don’t serve us. Plus anything you can do to make yourself a better partner, like being more compassionate will help you get the kind of relationship you want.
Make Finding Your Partner An Obsession – We know this can sound a little crazy and like we’re recommending you just go nuts and go dating all the time. No, that’s not what we mean here we’re talking about the idea of never giving up. When something is an obsession you’ll keep at it, having your eye on the prize keeps you hopeful (which is usually a good thing when you’re dating). An obsession allows us to know that we might not be able to determine when that great relationship is going to enter our lives, but it can help us get through all the bad dates knowing that eventually it will happen. This also allows us to change our perspective on dating and dates, instead of looking at each date like a mini-interview where we need to realize right away if we want to marry this person and have a family, we can take our time and just get to know someone. We can be obsessed about people and the process of dating, working to figure out what works for us in a relationship and what doesn’t. This then becomes more of a dating experiment with a trial and error approach until you find out what works for you, instead of an exercise in failure when you go on another bad date or another relationship doesn’t work out.
Like we said, dating is tough, but one thing to remember is it’s not impossible. I’m sure each of you out there have one couple you can look to who is doing love right. If you don’t know this couple yet make that your new goal, to find this role model couple who are still so happy in love and who are working on their relationship regularly to have it evolve and be better every single day. When you see people in happy successful relationships it helps you gain perspective to know it’s out there, and you just need the courage to keep going after it until it happens for you.
If you’re having trouble remaining optimistic about dating, and would like a second opinion contact us here.